a letter, for you

MengMeng

scroll

before you go

MengMeng

♡

Although i claimed i tried, it really wasn’t enough because it wasn’t the actions i didn’t do but the emotions i still do not carry despite the action

I would judge you for small things, argue with you for my inconvenience and not appreciate when its due.

I might not have been suitable for you and i know i have repeated logical points on that multiple times out of spite. But with this love i have for you i have changed, and with this three days which i must say must have been the most tormenting part of my life. I have came to realise just how much hurt i have caused you and i am very very sorry for causing it and downplaying it when you cry and i am ashamed and it broke my heart to finally understand what i did to you with my words and actions.

I claim to be righteous

but to treat you whom i loved and loved me deeply, so tremendously wrong is truly the biggest crime i have and will ever commit.

I know my apology can never justify the hurt i have caused you and the tough times we have been through.

But i just want you to know that i understand and for the first time feel what you felt.

For the first time i really did cry not because i was in pain but because of how i made u feel.

I reflected upon my actions at the party

despite what i told you, discovered why i was tremendously wrong. You were chasing a goal, taking responsibility and working so hard towards your own goal. As your boyfriend and someone whom knows everything about “for the project” i failed to even put myself into your shoes and support and encourage you. Instead i placed a timer on your head and increased the stress that was already tremendously high.

I so badly wronged you because as a boyfriend and your partner in life that’s just wrong for me to even accuse you of being in the wrong because despite all that stress and responsibilities you carry on your shoulders you still came back to fetch me and talk to me even when you are exhausted and i still had the fking audacity to be angry. Fact is i should always be on your team and not even uncle win should compete for that, and i have failed at that.

I have been a boy for you through this three years, and a really emotionless and petty one.

despite what i told you, discovered why i was tremendously wrong. You were chasing a goal, taking responsibility and working so hard towards your own goal. As your boyfriend and someone whom knows everything about “for the project” i failed to even put myself into your shoes and support and encourage you. Instead i placed a timer on your head and increased the stress that was already tremendously high.

I was so wrong because as a boyfriend and your partner in life thats just fked up for me to even accuse you of being in the wrong because despite all that stress and responsibilities you carry on your shoulders you still came back to fetch me and talk to me even when you are exhausted and i still had the fking audacity to be angry. Fact is i should always be on your team and not even uncle win should compete for that, and i have failed at that.

I have been a boy for you through this three years, and a really emotionless and petty one.

You were right that i would always be saying things, and i didn’t listen to what you have to say. Not in the literal sense but the fact that i couldn’t empathise. If you were to give me the chance

  • If you were to give me the chance, i will assure you the boy would cease to exist and you will have someone who truly treasures you, fight for you, empathise with you, care and love you

  • Not because it’s right but because i love you and i will literally tear my entire company or the world to have the opportunity to build a future with you again.

  • Please remember all the fun, the love and the experiences we got to have tgt.

I promise

in the future that will pack your days and you will have the version of me that was meant for you the one that finally gets you, that feels for you, that feel stressed when you are, that feels happy and proud for you, the me that will accompany you and try new things with you because i love to see u in different clothes, try different delicious food, laugh at funny looking people, goofily doom scrolling, locked in in pilates and your interests will gel to mine because doing it with you beats any of my hobbies. I will take struggling with you in pilates over muaythai myself. I will not lose myself for you, i will grow as a person that should always have been. 

I will not lose myself for you

i will grow as a person that should always have been. I will still pursue my goals, study hard, train hard. But i will feel for you, support you, listen to you, explain to you when movie gets confusing, spend quality time with you and your family and enjoy ur hobbies and bring you out to eat great food.

Please give me a chance

i will listen and enjoy your singing and if uw i will memorise any song you like and sing it for u on command. But if you still choose to part ways i understand and i hope and pray for your health and wealth and happiness, and your path to cross mine again. But please choose me one more time, you will get 2 songs to choose a dance and i will be your personal explainer for life at no cost.

why i love you

You are beautiful, kind, funny, witty, caring, pootpoot kissing, cute sweet baby when wear diapers, you are super locked in when doing pilates and spin, someone admire and adore for all your experience from ocbc to business and now PAH, you never leave me to feel alone and you are my warmth and sunshine, and also the rain you are my world i love you

so... what do you say?

thank you. i promise i won't waste it.